Massage is easy when you know how. I can show you how to amp up your back rubs in no time to make them longer, sexier and more relaxing… so you and your partner can get closer.
Let’s start with my top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for couples massage:
1. Don’t squirt oil directly onto your partner’s body
Squirting cold oil onto warm skin looks sexy in the movies, but feels like absolute rubbish in real life.
Always pour your oil into one hand first – around the size of a quarter will do it – and then rub your palms together to warm the oil up, before applying it to your partner’s body. Much, much sexier.
2. Do slow it down
I’m here to tell you, much like sex… there are no points for finishing first!
So many beginners tend to rush through their massage [like a spin cycle of a washing machine!].
Get your sweetie in the mood with gentle, easy-going strokes. Be chill.
Slowing down will also help you gain your partner’s trust right from the start, which equals deeper relaxation for everybody involved.
3. Don’t use your thumbs!
Aha, that one got you, didn’t it?!
Using thumbs is the quickest way to tire out your hands, so avoid using them at ALL… until the very end of the massage.
Start with an open hand technique with relaxation strokes and save your thumbs as your secret weapon – after a good ten minutes of this open-handed technique, only then you can bust out your thumbs in short bursts (I’m talking 30 seconds only at a time) on specific knots and tense bits to really make your partner melt.
4. Do ask for feedback
“Is that deep enough?”
Any good massage therapist will ask their client for feedback throughout a massage, and you should do the same.
Try things like…
“Is that deep enough?”
“How does this spot feel?”
“Where are you tight?”
Also listen out for moans and groans, oohs and aahs and the all-important “Oh baby, don’t stop!” while you massage; these signify that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right – so keep doing it!
5. Don’t massage without being prepared
Nothing kills the massage vibe like abandoning ship halfway through to dim lights, adjust the thermostat or grab a towel.
Have everything you need organized and close by before you begin. And turn your phone off!
6. Do contour your hands to your partner’s body
The more surface area you can touch, the better your massage will feel for your partner. When massaging, keep your fingertips and palms down and relaxed. If your hands are stiff or tense they won’t contour properly and your massage won’t feel natural.
7. Don’t underestimate the power of the ambiance
Your massage strokes account for only part of this experience. The ambiance you create in the room will make or break your massage. Seriously.
Tidy up your space so there’s no mess and clutter. No one in the history of the world has ever been able to relax while staring at a pile of laundry.
Then go the extra mile to make it all romantic-like by catering to all the different senses – light candles, play soft music, serve wine and chocolate… (you get the idea!)
8. Do give encouraging feedback when you’re being massaged
Positive reinforcement is the key.
Remember, your partner is new at this and any small motivation they have to to massage you will disappear in an instant if you’re going to be critical of their performance.
Positive reinforcement is the key. Be vocal. Tell them which parts you love about the massage and how great it feels – remember to throw out some oohs and maybe a few ahhs.
If something hurts or doesn’t feel right, tell them gently.
Trust me, you’ll be on the receiving end of many more massages with this approach!
9. Don’t go in deep at the start!
Too many couples make the mistake of getting right in there with a firm massage from the very beginning.
Unless your partner has just come off the football field and needs a vigorous leg rub – STAT! – there is no excuse for going too deep too fast.
Any good massage practitioner will start off gently every single time. This gives the muscles a chance to warm up first, to become pliable and to relax. Then, once you’ve got your partner to a nice, chilled out state you can begin to go in deep – always towards the end of the massage.
**This video talks about the 80/20 principle – a guide on relaxation vs deep tissue work.
10. Do massage on the floor
I know. You thought the bed was the most logical place to massage each other.
But I don’t like the bed for massage at all. The soft and uneven surface of the mattress is going to hurt your back, and your partner’s neck. The best position is for you to kneel on the floor with your partner sitting cross-legged between your knees – I call this The Melt Set Up.
You must have plenty of cushions bolstered under your butt to help keep your weight off your knees. In this position, you have great access to your partner’s neck, shoulders, arms and upper back… and it’s actually far more intimate than having your sweetie at arm’s length from you.
To find out more about The Melt Set Up, try my FREE introductory massage course, Fix Your Massage Mistakes. In it, I teach you how to set yourself up for a great back rub at home, we correct the 4 most common mistakes I see couples making and I share two great massage techniques you can try at home instantly.
Learn how to give the best back rubs!
We deep dive into massage techniques, break down what makes a great back rub and show you step by step what to do to be amazing at massage! After 12 years teaching over 30,000 couples in more than 50 countries we know a thing or two that’ll take your back rubs to the next level…
No matter if you’ve been rocking back rubs with each other for years now – or you’re a complete beginner, I promise this course will give you years of “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” while your partner massages you into total bliss!
Could your back rubs do with an upgrade? Maybe you feel like your massages are boring, you’re not sure if you’re doing it right, or you don’t know what to do next. Or maybe your hands just flat out hurt after a few minutes.
Never fear, massage isn’t rocket science. It’s easy when you know how and where to rub.
Here are six simple hacks from a professional (that’s me) who wants to help you get your hands to their A-game… Why? Because massage feels so good and I believe every relationship deserves a little massage in it!
1. Romance your partner’s body
Simple, easy and makes you look like a pro… FAST!
For serious brownie points without hurting your hands, spend time doing what I call romancing your partner’s body!
This is easy to do with a simple contouring technique – it feels fantastic, your partner will love you for it and it’s the best cost-benefit way to clock up brownie points in your massage!
Here’s a video explaining how to go about doing it:
**Skip to 1:29 if you want to miss the reason why my hands are cut up and broken
2. Use your own body to discover knots
Wondering exactly where the tense spots are hiding? Well guess what… you already know! On healthy bodies, we pretty much all have knots and tension in the same places.
Right now, can you think of two areas on your body you love massaged?
I’ll bet money that you’re thinking shoulders…
So go there after you’ve romanced your partner’s body first!
This is such a simple hack when you’re thinking your massages are boring, or you’re not sure where to massage next… just ask yourself “Where do I hurt?”
3. Warm hands solve almost every issue
Sounds obvious right? But it’s often overlooked!
It seems like a small thing, but warming your hands up makes a massive difference to the experience. Cold hands on warm skin is a major turn off!
I had a professional practitioner lay freezing hands on me during a job interview once (yes, you have to test their massage out before they get the job!) – I didn’t hire her, that’s far too sloppy a mistake to make.
Warming your hands is an easy fix that starts your massage off right. Warm them by rubbing your palms vigorously together, or run them under a hot tap for a bit, dry them off and then get oiling!
4. Get your sexy game face on
You know how John Mayer has guitar face? You need sexy massage face!
I’m not even kidding – the more you get into it, the better it feels. It doesn’t matter if you look ridiculous, no one is watching.
Sexy massage face is closely related to stank face?!
Here’s a classic example of mine, a moment in time caught on film forever (and yes, I’ve been called out for this before, publicly too! But that’s fine… all I care about is making my partner as relaxed as possible. Her face in this image means more to me than any humiliating comments on social media).
This also goes for your body language – shake that butt! Any movement from your hips and shoulders translates to your hands, and makes your massage flow.
5. Use the music to introduce rhythm and flow
Rhythm and flow is one of the next level tricks that takes a massage from amateur to professional.
Most couples I see would say it’s deep tissue that makes or breaks the massage… this is not true!
Deep tissue means nothing without rhythm and flow. Introduce a little into your back rubs by massaging in time to the music. Pick something you both already groove to.
6. Follow a routine to guarantee awesomeness
This is the thing that improved my massage quickest when I first started.
Work out in advance what your routine will be. It takes the pressure off thinking about what to do next.
Take a few minutes to write a little sequential massage routine out (or you can follow mine – I’ve got 5 minute, 15 minute and a 30 minute back rub routine in the Melt Video Series – click here), having a cheat sheet like this next to you will make your hands feel pro!
When starting out, following a routine is the best way to guarantee an exceptional massage… when you know your routine inside out – to the point that you’re bored with it, then you’re at an exceptional level. Then it’s time to start improvising and making up routines on the fly – the way professional massage therapists do it.
Learn how to give the best back rubs!
We deep dive into massage techniques, break down what makes a great back rub and show you step by step what to do to be amazing at massage! After 12 years teaching over 30,000 couples in more than 50 countries we know a thing or two that’ll take your back rubs to the next level…
No matter if you’ve been rocking back rubs with each other for years now – or you’re a complete beginner, I promise this course will give you years of “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” while your partner massages you into total bliss!
Sometimes, we get emails from you guys asking for suggestions of alternative ways to sit when massaging. If The Melt Set Up isn’t quite right for you, check out these handy tips we filmed to give you some alternatives. You can even use some of these while you are learning your techniques and save The Melt Set Up just for the massaging.
As always, feel free to comment below and let me know your thoughts, or ask any other questions I can help with!
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Mother’s Day just became so much easier!
We surveyed thousands of wives and asked them what they want from their husband when it comes to special occasions – with Mother’s Day approaching, this is one of those times.
The responses were simple – it comes down to three things…
Keep in mind she already loves everything you do for her.
You both work hard, providing for and raising a family.
You’re a team and you’re doing the best you can.
But there ARE a few things your wife wants over and above everything else, on any day of the year – but especially on Mother’s Day. Here they are:
one 1
She Wants Some Time
She wants your time, AND she wants some time to herself (she definitely deserves it!)
What this really means is a break from the day-to-day stuff.
Dude, it really is this simple – whatever her normal chores are, make sure that this Mother’s Day she doesn’t have to do any of them. Tidy the house, take care of the breakfast and let her sleep in while you get up to the kids. Okay, this is simple.
two 2
She Appreciates Effort
Your wife wants her special occasion to be meaningful – throwing money at the gift, or picking up a bunch of flowers doesn’t really mean much on special occasions.
Money and flowers are the easy way out and leaves the entire experience with a feeling of “meh” around it.
Anyone can pull out a credit card and pay off the purchase over time… Sure, she’ll say thank you and smile, but these gifts won’t be remembered, or even worse – it’ll be remembered as “that time you put zero effort in.”
Don’t believe me? Ask her if she remembers last year’s gift.
Hang on… do you remember last year’s gift?
Genuine effort guarantees a memory – and there’s more… genuine effort is the stuff that she raves to her friends about… YOU become the hero!!
She tells her friends “He gave me the most amazing back rub for Mother’s Day, it made me feel so relaxed and special!”
*BOOM* you just won Mother’s Day!
Effort = guaranteed success. This doesn’t have to be daunting, read on we have the solution for you.
three 3
She Would Love Your Attention
This is the easy part – she wants your attention.
I get it, sometimes it doesn’t feel this way. I’m like you… I don’t always feel like my wife necessarily wants me around, or that I’m annoying her (true, I usually am) but in reality, shes just busy with life, shes focused on her “stuff” and sometimes I’m just in the way.
Day to day routine has her focused on things that “need” attention, the kids, running the house, mortgage / work / bills – all the same things you focus on too.
But she does want your attention. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. Give her the right kind of attention and watch her glow.
Remember what your relationship was like before the kids came along?
Before you had a mortgage?
They were simple times – you could focus on each other. Trust this emotion… give her that again! You may need to break down some barriers before she gets it. Don’t stop trying. Be patient, and gentle, and loving.
Okay – we have a starting point, this is a big deal!
We understand her needs.
Now a solution… a gift that hits ALL the above points and wins you *BAAM* the “HUSBAND of The YEAR Award!” (Fist bump!)
Give her a back rub – show her love!
This is an experience that shows appreciation, that she’s been thought of and is deserving of your time. We guarantee she’ll be impressed with your Mother’s Day gift this year otherwise we’ll refund your money back!
SHES NOT MY MOTHER!
We’ve heard this statement before. It’s a dangerous thought process, and even more dangerous to verbalise. Although technically you’re not wrong; she is still a Mother, and if she’s the mother of your children she still deserves appreciation for everything she does. Remember, she doesn’t want something elaborate – just a little
I DON’T HAVE TIME ON MOTHER’S DAY
Absolutely! If your kids are still at home, they should have priority. You can still totally smash this out of the ball park with a simple hug and a kiss, and a whisper in her ear saying later in the week I’m going to give you the best back rub you’ve ever had in your life… IOU Printables are included in the this purchase.
Try that – we promise she’ll Melt with just your words. If not, I’ll personally give you your money back!
ALSO INCLUDED IN YOUR PURCHASE!
This makes you look like a SUPERSTAR!
These punny printables has “thoughtful” written all over it, (remember effort is the key!) this looks like maximum effort but really it only takes 5 minutes to set up.
Use these punny printables as cryptic clues!
This is a treasure hunt of cryptic clues that she finds throughout the day – in the bathroom, fridge, her car, back of the toilet door. Get creative, place them where she’ll find them. The more she asks “What are you up to?” the better the experience and your massage is going to be. The cryptic clues lead up to the main event later that night when the kids are asleep… Genius, huh?
Mother’s Day Sale Ends:
Hi Guys, it’s Emma here! It’s nice to take the reins from Den for a moment to touch base with you all.
I’m always here working behind the scenes alongside Denis, but you and I don’t get much face time with each other – and you certainly never hear me talk! Turns out I have an Australian accent too, just like my husband.
I caught up with Dr. Corey Allan from Simple Marriage and earlier in the week to ask some of the harder questions about keeping marriages connected and happy… and how to get more couple time.
We had an amazing chat and Corey shared some of his expert insights into marriage, drawing on his career as a Family and Couples Therapist and also his own 23 years of marriage.
Watch the video above for Corey’s great advice on:
- What a connected, happy marriage really looks like
- Some of the most important universal truths that will keep any marriage solid
- How to steal more couple time, even when you’re tired, busy and have children
- How to get out of a rough patch in your marriage (and why they’re normal)
- How to work through the massage-sex expectation we see in some relationships
- The markers of true love and how to cultivate them
What stands out the most for you in this conversation?
Leave a comment below to let us know, we’d love to hear from you!
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Something magical happens when we give our relationships the time and space to bloom together.
Imagine feeling more connected to your partner in every way, being completely secure in your relationship knowing that what you have is rock solid.
This kind of intimacy can only be built over time, by giving yourself and your partner the opportunity to be together with no other distractions or people, on a consistent basis. Even if you’re having a terrible week, you know you will have time to touch base with your partner no matter what. It’s a feeling of wonderful support and connection.
“Us time” often falls by the wayside in long term relationships. It’s very easy to let all our other responsibilities creep in.
We push our marriages further and further down our To Do list and before we know it, we have are feeling disconnected from the very person who matters most to us.
Denis and I have been together for ten years now, and we constantly remind ourselves that longevity doesn’t guarantee happiness or closeness.
Cultivating intimacy is crucial to a marriage at any stage – and the longer we are together, the harder it is to nurture that connection without some careful planning.
It’s not at all romantic, but the truth is that as your relationship goes on, you need to work that much more at it, to ensure you can be at your happiest in your marriage.
The best way to do this is create a framework around how and when you spend time together.
Because if you don’t take the time, you’ll never have the time.
Here is how to get some more “us” time in your own marriage.
Develop rituals
Many of our couples tell us they love simple things like walking the dog, giggling and chatting in bed together at the end of a hard day or going to the farmer’s market. Or, you know, develop a regular massage practice! These small rituals are easy to do, and create very little barrier to your consistency.
Den and I love to take walks through our neighbourhood. We grab a takeaway coffee and go exploring while we catch up on what’s happening in each other’s lives. It’s a nice way to give ourselves some relaxed space to chat, and you always feel great when you get back from a long walk.
Find a ritual that can become a habit for the two of you. If you already have one, perhaps a second and a third one will work for you too?
Learn a new skill
Is there something you’ve both always wanted to do? Learn French, perhaps? Take up art class? Become a master of Asian cuisine?
Sign yourselves up to learn this new skill together and suddenly you have ready-made date nights every week to attend. You’ll both enjoy the learning and have something new to talk about and inspire you as well.
Get physical
I was surprised by the amount of couples recently who told us they love to do physical activities together and I think it’s such a brilliant idea. You keep yourself happy and your marriage happy at the same time – what great multi-tasking!
Exercise releases endorphins and gives you a great sense of wellbeing. Whether it’s hiking, biking, swimming, tennis or kayaking, find something that you can enjoy together and do it at least once a week.
Be spiritual
Your spiritual connection is one of the most enriching parts of your life, and it’s a beautiful thing to be able to share it with your partner.
For some couples this means praying, for others it’s meditation or reading teachings. Whichever way you express your spirituality, doing it together creates a powerful space for you to grow your connection.
Have stay home date nights
Time and money are always two of the biggest reasons couples cite for not spending more time together.
Having young children can also make it hard (and expensive!) to go out.
This is why we love at home date nights where you consciously make some “us” time but you don’t ever have to leave your living room!
Some rules for at home date nights: no phones, no computers, no interruptions. Try for when the kids are asleep – or if they’re a bit older you can let them know it’s date night and they’ll most likely keep away anyhow! – and do something new and fun each time.
A challenge…
In fact, Den and I love this idea so much that we’d like you to schedule some time within the next week for a stay home date night. Not kidding.
Right now, turn to your partner or text them or email them or call them and ask them if you can take them on a date night… without ever leaving the house!
What to do, you ask? Well, if you already have any of our couples massage tutorials then make it a gorgeous massage night for two, complete with candles, music and perhaps even a picnic on the living room floor!
Or find an idea from one of these 52 Ridiculously Romantic Date Ideas we collated just for you.
It can be hard to gift a massage – so we’ve made it a little easier with our free downloadable IOU massage vouchers. These are the perfect way to put a smile on your partner’s face and build a little anticipation for a special night ahead.
Slip them into birthday or anniversary cards, box them up with massage oil and candles for Valentine’s Day, or simply tuck them somewhere for your partner to find as a lovely surprise for no reason at all…
To download these IOU massage vouchers, follow these quick instructions:
1. Click the voucher you want (use them all if you like!)
2. The voucher will appear in a larger size in a pop up window on your browswer. Right click and select ‘Save Image As’ to download it to your computer.
3. Print the image on your home computer or load it onto a USB stick to print at your local copy center.
4. For extra impact, print it onto a thick photo stock or have the voucher laminated.
5. Gift it to your partner creatively – in a card, wrapped in a present or tucked under their pillow.
6. When your lucky sweetheart wants to claim their massage, happily oblige with a smile. Try to last longer than 5 minutes. For great massage instruction, we recommend our couples massage video courses.
Here’s an adorable way to turn your massage into a mystery treasure hunt that will build anticipation and keep your sweetie guessing all day long.
We’ve had these punny, punny printables designed especially to help you in gifting Melt – or in just gifting a massage to your partner, no matter how long you’ve had Melt for!
You’re welcome to download them for free so you can hide them around in a little hide and seek treasure hunt as cute clues for the massage you’re going to give your partner tonight.
As you can see, each little card has a massage pun hidden in it. While a single card won’t make much sense to your partner on its own, as they discover and collect them throughout the day their Sherlock powers of deduction may see how this is all leading to one hot massage for them later that night!
This is a perfect romantic gesture for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day or just because you want to thrill your sweetie and make them smile for no reason at all.
Here’s how it works.
- Download our adorable Melt Massage Pun Printables for free right here
- Have them printed in color either at home or at your local print store. We also recommend having them laminated for an extra-professional effect. You can laminate the entire sheet all at once!
- Cut each card out individually. They work best if you leave a bit of a white border around them, that way you don’t have to cut too perfectly but they’ll still look great. Don’t worry, the laminate will hold!
- Hide them! Tuck them around where your partner will find them throughout the day. In their empty coffee mug, stuck to the bathroom mirror, slipped into a wallet, placed on the dashboard of their car… Leave them where they will be periodically discovered throughout the day. And save a couple that will be found toward the end of the day, perhaps alongside a hand towel, a scented candle and a finally a bottle of massage oil for the ultimate clue –they’re getting a massage!
- When it’s time for the massage, have everything ready as per usual and indulge your partner with some pampering rubs using our Melt: Massage for Couples video tutorials. If you can’t get a massage in on the day of the gift, simply present them with one of our free downloadable massage gift vouchers – it will draw out the suspense even further!
This is the perfect example of taking a simple, loving gesture like giving a massage and going above and beyond to turn it into an exciting experience that draws out a full day of anticipation and excitement for your sweetie. Best of all, it costs practically nothing to pull it off!
How did we come up with this idea? A few Valentine’s Days ago, we were pretty strapped for cash and I was searching for a really low-cost way to let Den know I was thinking of him, even if we couldn’t lash out on an expensive dinner or dozens of roses. I stumbled across some cute printables online and set about doing just this with them – he loved it! He’s kept them ever since and he still smiles when he sees one of them stuck up in his office.
