Massage is easy when you know how. I can show you how to amp up your back rubs in no time to make them longer, sexier and more relaxing… so you and your partner can get closer.
Let’s start with my top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for couples massage:
1. Don’t squirt oil directly onto your partner’s body
Squirting cold oil onto warm skin looks sexy in the movies, but feels like absolute rubbish in real life.
Always pour your oil into one hand first – around the size of a quarter will do it – and then rub your palms together to warm the oil up, before applying it to your partner’s body. Much, much sexier.
2. Do slow it down
I’m here to tell you, much like sex… there are no points for finishing first!
So many beginners tend to rush through their massage [like a spin cycle of a washing machine!].
Get your sweetie in the mood with gentle, easy-going strokes. Be chill.
Slowing down will also help you gain your partner’s trust right from the start, which equals deeper relaxation for everybody involved.
3. Don’t use your thumbs!
Aha, that one got you, didn’t it?!
Using thumbs is the quickest way to tire out your hands, so avoid using them at ALL… until the very end of the massage.
Start with an open hand technique with relaxation strokes and save your thumbs as your secret weapon – after a good ten minutes of this open-handed technique, only then you can bust out your thumbs in short bursts (I’m talking 30 seconds only at a time) on specific knots and tense bits to really make your partner melt.
4. Do ask for feedback
“Is that deep enough?”
Any good massage therapist will ask their client for feedback throughout a massage, and you should do the same.
Try things like…
“Is that deep enough?”
“How does this spot feel?”
“Where are you tight?”
Also listen out for moans and groans, oohs and aahs and the all-important “Oh baby, don’t stop!” while you massage; these signify that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right – so keep doing it!
5. Don’t massage without being prepared
Nothing kills the massage vibe like abandoning ship halfway through to dim lights, adjust the thermostat or grab a towel.
Have everything you need organized and close by before you begin. And turn your phone off!
6. Do contour your hands to your partner’s body
The more surface area you can touch, the better your massage will feel for your partner. When massaging, keep your fingertips and palms down and relaxed. If your hands are stiff or tense they won’t contour properly and your massage won’t feel natural.
7. Don’t underestimate the power of the ambiance
Your massage strokes account for only part of this experience. The ambiance you create in the room will make or break your massage. Seriously.
Tidy up your space so there’s no mess and clutter. No one in the history of the world has ever been able to relax while staring at a pile of laundry.
Then go the extra mile to make it all romantic-like by catering to all the different senses – light candles, play soft music, serve wine and chocolate… (you get the idea!)
8. Do give encouraging feedback when you’re being massaged
Positive reinforcement is the key.
Remember, your partner is new at this and any small motivation they have to to massage you will disappear in an instant if you’re going to be critical of their performance.
Positive reinforcement is the key. Be vocal. Tell them which parts you love about the massage and how great it feels – remember to throw out some oohs and maybe a few ahhs.
If something hurts or doesn’t feel right, tell them gently.
Trust me, you’ll be on the receiving end of many more massages with this approach!
9. Don’t go in deep at the start!
Too many couples make the mistake of getting right in there with a firm massage from the very beginning.
Unless your partner has just come off the football field and needs a vigorous leg rub – STAT! – there is no excuse for going too deep too fast.
Any good massage practitioner will start off gently every single time. This gives the muscles a chance to warm up first, to become pliable and to relax. Then, once you’ve got your partner to a nice, chilled out state you can begin to go in deep – always towards the end of the massage.
**This video talks about the 80/20 principle – a guide on relaxation vs deep tissue work.
10. Do massage on the floor
I know. You thought the bed was the most logical place to massage each other.
But I don’t like the bed for massage at all. The soft and uneven surface of the mattress is going to hurt your back, and your partner’s neck. The best position is for you to kneel on the floor with your partner sitting cross-legged between your knees – I call this The Melt Set Up.
You must have plenty of cushions bolstered under your butt to help keep your weight off your knees. In this position, you have great access to your partner’s neck, shoulders, arms and upper back… and it’s actually far more intimate than having your sweetie at arm’s length from you.
To find out more about The Melt Set Up, try my FREE introductory massage course, Fix Your Massage Mistakes. In it, I teach you how to set yourself up for a great back rub at home, we correct the 4 most common mistakes I see couples making and I share two great massage techniques you can try at home instantly.
Learn how to give the best back rubs!
We deep dive into massage techniques, break down what makes a great back rub and show you step by step what to do to be amazing at massage! After 12 years teaching over 30,000 couples in more than 50 countries we know a thing or two that’ll take your back rubs to the next level…
No matter if you’ve been rocking back rubs with each other for years now – or you’re a complete beginner, I promise this course will give you years of “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” while your partner massages you into total bliss!