How to Get More “Us Time” in Your Marriage

Something magical happens when we give our relationships the time and space to bloom together.

Imagine feeling more connected to your partner in every way, being completely secure in your relationship knowing that what you have is rock solid.

This kind of intimacy can only be built over time, by giving yourself and your partner the opportunity to be together with no other distractions or people, on a consistent basis. Even if you’re having a terrible week, you know you will have time to touch base with your partner no matter what. It’s a feeling of wonderful support and connection.

“Us time” often falls by the wayside in long term relationships. It’s very easy to let all our other responsibilities creep in.

We push our marriages further and further down our To Do list and before we know it, we have are feeling disconnected from the very person who matters most to us.

Denis and I have been together for ten years now, and we constantly remind ourselves that longevity doesn’t guarantee happiness or closeness.

Cultivating intimacy is crucial to a marriage at any stage – and the longer we are together, the harder it is to nurture that connection without some careful planning.

It’s not at all romantic, but the truth is that as your relationship goes on, you need to work that much more at it, to ensure you can be at your happiest in your marriage.

The best way to do this is create a framework around how and when you spend time together.

Because if you don’t take the time, you’ll never have the time.

Here is how to get some more “us” time in your own marriage.

Develop rituals

Many of our couples tell us they love simple things like walking the dog, giggling and chatting in bed together at the end of a hard day or going to the farmer’s market. Or, you know, develop a regular massage practice! These small rituals are easy to do, and create very little barrier to your consistency.

Den and I love to take walks through our neighbourhood. We grab a takeaway coffee and go exploring while we catch up on what’s happening in each other’s lives. It’s a nice way to give ourselves some relaxed space to chat, and you always feel great when you get back from a long walk.

Find a ritual that can become a habit for the two of you. If you already have one, perhaps a second and a third one will work for you too?

Learn a new skill

Is there something you’ve both always wanted to do? Learn French, perhaps? Take up art class? Become a master of Asian cuisine?

Sign yourselves up to learn this new skill together and suddenly you have ready-made date nights every week to attend. You’ll both enjoy the learning and have something new to talk about and inspire you as well.

Get physical

I was surprised by the amount of couples recently who told us they love to do physical activities together and I think it’s such a brilliant idea. You keep yourself happy and your marriage happy at the same time – what great multi-tasking!

Exercise releases endorphins and gives you a great sense of wellbeing. Whether it’s hiking, biking, swimming, tennis or kayaking, find something that you can enjoy together and do it at least once a week.

Be spiritual

Your spiritual connection is one of the most enriching parts of your life, and it’s a beautiful thing to be able to share it with your partner.

For some couples this means praying, for others it’s meditation or reading teachings. Whichever way you express your spirituality, doing it together creates a powerful space for you to grow your connection.

Have stay home date nights

Time and money are always two of the biggest reasons couples cite for not spending more time together.

Having young children can also make it hard (and expensive!) to go out.

This is why we love at home date nights where you consciously make some “us” time but you don’t ever have to leave your living room!

Some rules for at home date nights: no phones, no computers, no interruptions. Try for when the kids are asleep – or if they’re a bit older you can let them know it’s date night and they’ll most likely keep away anyhow! – and do something new and fun each time.

A challenge…

In fact, Den and I love this idea so much that we’d like you to schedule some time within the next week for a stay home date night. Not kidding.

Right now, turn to your partner or text them or email them or call them and ask them if you can take them on a date night… without ever leaving the house!

What to do, you ask? Well, if you already have any of our couples massage tutorials then make it a gorgeous massage night for two, complete with candles, music and perhaps even a picnic on the living room floor!

Or find an idea from one of these 52 Ridiculously Romantic Date Ideas we collated just for you.