It’s no coincidence that most people raise their eyebrows at us when we tell them we teach couples how to massage each other. The mere thought of all that oil, flesh and rubbing… it’s inherently sexy, no?
While Den and I consciously and deliberately make sure our products and our seminars are clean, sophisticated and massage-focused, it’s also hard to ignore the fact that massage is a whole heap of hot when it’s done effectively between two people who are attracted to one another.
We’ve always said we just provide the massage toolkit, what happens later behind closed doors is completely up to you.
But here’s the thing. Learning to give your partner an amazing romantic massage can make you a better lover.
Think I’m joking? I’d never kid about being better in bed. In fact, when we surveyed our live course participants a few years back, 50% of them agreed that learning how to massage had improved their sex lives!(We can only assume that the other half already had it going on when it came to the boudoir!)
Here are five ways the skills you develop when learning how to massage can crossover into your boudoir:
The Art of the Tease
Whether it’s a professional massage between a therapist and patient or a romantic massage between a couple, the concept here is the same: when you’re massaging, you want to take your massagee on a journey.
Much of any massage is made up of repetition. We repeat strokes again and again to lull people into a comfortable, relaxed state. The best part about this repetition? Anticipation, baby.
Consider this: You’re nailing an awesome massage stroke, hitting just the right sore spots in your partner’s shoulders as you go… You hear your partner moan just a little bit when you work on that spot you know is there. Instead of going hammer-and-tong on the sore bit (no pinchy-pinchy, people!), you carefully note where it is and leisurely take your time coming back to it.
You hit that sore spot again – another moan. They like it. You continue the rest of the stroke, then return toward that little spot of gold you know is waiting there.
Right this second, your partner is thinking “… Do you think he’s going to hit that spot again? I think he is… yep, I’m pretty sure he’s going to do – Ohhhhhh wowwwwww (cue drooling).”
Learn the art of the tease in your massage and you’ll have a captivated audience for life. Apply the same art of the tease to your seduction in the bedroom and watch your partner melt happily into a pile of blissed-out goo.
Rhythm and Flow
The best massage therapists add a natural rhythm and flow to their massage routines. These two crucial elements help relax your massagee with gentle rocking, swaying and no unexpected surprises.
When we say flow, we mean each stroke should fluidly merge into the next one, flowing in an unbroken dance over the skin. The best way to do this is to make sure each of your massage techniques can link to the next seamlessly, and to make sure you finish every stroke right to the end.
Don’t bail out halfway through a massage technique to hurriedly jump to the next one – that’s amateur.
When we say rhythm, we mean building up a repetitive and comforting rhythm to add interest. If we think of the rhythm just like music, you don’t have to do your entire massage to a 4/4 beat. You can change the rhythm, add a highlight every few “bars” or so. The easiest way to introduce rhythm to your massage is to work with the music you have on in the background.
And when it comes to lovemaking? Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you that getting a good rhythm and flow between the sheets is infinitely preferable to random thrusting. Learn to use your body in a sensual and rhythmical way to really up the ante with your lover.
Get in Tune with Your Partner
One of the most important parts of learning how to massage is listening for feedback cues to see if you’re doing it right. This is especially crucial when you first start out learning to massage, so that you can keep becoming better.
What you want to look for are both verbal and non-verbal cues from your partner that you’re hitting the right spots. Because you’re usually sitting behind them to massage, you can’t read the facial expressions you usually would.
Soft moans, head dropping back and goosebumps on the skin are all excellent signs you’re headed in the right direction.
On the other hand, hunched shoulders, pulling away and your partner sitting up straight as a pole while you massage should be cues that you’re not quite hitting the mark.
Learning to read your partner’s body like this has many benefits in the bedroom as well, before long you’ll instinctively know exactly what your sweetie is thinking without having to ask.
Ambiance, Ambiance, Ambiance
We’ve tried massaging under fluorescent lights. In cold rooms. On hard floorboards with no rug. With the TV on. None of it is good.
Whether it’s sex or a massage, the principles of a romantic ambiance are exactly the same: flattering lighting, a comfortable temperature, some moody music and maybe even some wine and a fruit plate. It’s all classic seduction and man, is it melt-worthy.
Spend some time perfecting your ambiant mood-setting techniques and you can turn an entire night around with the flick of a light switch. For a massage, for love… for whatever you like.
The Ultimate Pre-Foreplay Foreplay
Foreplay is the perfect way to take any lovemaking session from good to great. It’s fun, you can play and experiment, it stretches out the whole encounter to make it a truly delicious experience. After all, the actual sex part usually lasts an average of 5 minutes (true fact) so anything we can do to draw that out is a Very Good Thing.
Consider massage as your pre-foreplay foreplay. It will help get you in the mood for the foreplay that will get you in the mood for sex. It will extend your seduction by another forty-five minutes, done right.
Use your romantic massage to build anticipation further, to help your partner wind down and relax from a stressful day before you transition to something more, to make sure your sweetie feels loved and appreciated and as a great way to get your hands on them for a little bit longer.
Your massage might not always lead to sex – of course, you need to respect your partner’s feelings on this. But if the lag between the pre-foreplay foreplay and the actual foreplay is a few weeks, the effects won’t wane in between. It will only serve to build more anticipation for your future bedroom frolic. Fix your massage TONIGHT. We give you our best tips on correcting the most common massage mistakes, straight to your inbox.
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