More massages and how to get them. That’s the $64,000 dollar question we hear from couples all the time.
Actually, it’s usually more of a jovial demand between partners than a question. In our live seminars, on our social media pages, and standing in front of us in the flesh there are couples begging each other for massages:
“He never massages me at all.”
“She doesn’t last more than three minutes.”
“It’s your turn…”
“No, it’s your turn…”
Just look at the social media comments on this recent article we wrote for MindBodyGreen – everyone is having a great time ribbing each other about massages, which is all good fun, but it’s also very close to the truth: We all want to get the massages, not give them!
Besides, massages are so much nicer when your partner actually wants to do them for you, rather than harrumphing their way through a quick shoulder rub while keeping one eye on the clock so as not to go a minute more than they think you deserve.
Over the past decade running this business and spending countless hours massaging my husband (and getting plenty back in return) we’ve got the art of wangling a massage down pat. And I’m going to share it with you now. People don’t talk about this often – treat this information like gold.
1. Your Partner Needs to Learn to Massage Properly, So Their Hands Don’t Hurt
It’s very convenient that this is my first point, given I run a business that teaches couples how to massage each other… but it’s the absolute truth (and the reason our business is so successful, I might add, is because it works).
Think about it. People hate to do things that:
b) They aren’t good at;
c) They don’t know how to do
The good news is, massage is easy when you know where to put your hands and what to do with them.
When your partner learns to massage, you’re going to need to learn too, of course. It doesn’t take long to do. With just a few simple tips you can learn how to stop your hands hurting and last more than five minutes giving a massage.
The best way to go about this is to tell them you want to learn some massage skills together. Start by letting them be the massage guinea pig while you try out some massage tips, then swap over and let them massage you too. Learn together and make it fun.
Here are some of our best free massage tips to start you off. Have a play around and see what you can do:
Give us a little bit of your time and a web connection and you can both learn in the comfort of your own home – by the end of Melt: Massage for Couples, your partner will be able to treat you to a 30-minute massage without a sore hand in sight… and they’ll be able to hit all the right places that will make you hum with delight.
Hot tip: make it a special couples massage gift voucher as a present, then they’ll have to use it!
2. Get Massaging Yourself
I know, it sounds like a total cop out for me to tell you to massage them more.
It’s like at the end of the Wizard of Oz when the Great Oz tells Dorothy & Co. that they had the capability within themselves the entire time and you’re like… all that for nothing?
If you want more massages from your partner, the first thing you need to do is adopt a spirit of generosity and selflessly give your partner a thorough massage. It’s the Law of Reciprocity – do something nice for someone, and they will find themselves with a deep-seated urge to reciprocate in kind back to you.
Keep in mind, you will have picked up a couple of massage tips already so giving them a little rub will be easy. Take what you know and bestow a massage upon your unsuspecting sweetheart tonight. Or save it for when you know they’ve had a long day or a hard workout session… they’ll love you even more for it then.
Here’s the kicker: at the end of your massage do not ask for one in return. Do not. If they offer, smile sweetly and plant a kiss on their cheek, and tell them you just want them to relax tonight, they can owe you one for another time.
They will glow. And that tiny seed of big-heartedness will blossom through your entire relationship, and return threefold later.
Give, give, give. I can’t emphasize this point enough!
3. Positive Reinforcement
When you are lucky enough to have your massage returned to you, heap lashings of praise on your partner’s efforts.
Become your partner’s biggest cheerleader and they will feel great about what they’re doing for you.
There’s nothing worse than massaging someone (professionally or on a personal level) who sits quietly as though they have been struck dumb.
Imagine making love to someone who didn’t make a sound through the entire experience… how would you know they were having a good time?
Every single time your partner massages you, give them encouragement by moaning, groaning and complimenting them throughout. Every time! Tell them when they’ve hit the right spot, tell them when the stroke they’re trying out is amazing, tell them how fantastic they’re making you feel!
Your partner wants to do nice things for you, because they love you. Trust me, hey will be stoked to discover you love their massages so much.
And don’t forget to thank them profusely afterward.
Once you’ve worked the positive reinforcement magic, they’ll automatically start to think of giving you a rub when they want to do something nice for you. It’s an easy, free way to show someone you love them, after all. Help them realise that.
4. Use Your Trump Cards
Think of these as bonus massages throughout the year. Use any special occasion excuse to ask for a massage. I do it all the time on my birthday – as a lovely treat for the day, I tell my massage therapist husband, I’d just love a full body massage on the massage table.
How can he refuse the birthday girl? He can’t.
I have also been known to guilt foot rubs out of him when I’m feeling sick and head massages when he knows I’ve had a stressful day. In sickness and in health, right?
Appeal to your partner’s best nature and they will simply have to comply for you on any special occasion or out-of-the-ordinary circumstance. Just be sure to give it back as freely when it’s their turn.
And remember – lots of praise and sincere thanks will set you up for future massages too. You’re welcome.
Lots More Tips – right here…
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