More massages and how to get them. That’s the $64,000 dollar question we hear from couples all the time.

Actually, it’s usually more of a jovial demand between partners than a question. In our live seminars, on our social media pages, and standing in front of us in the flesh there are couples begging each other for massages:

“He never massages me at all.”
“She doesn’t last more than three minutes.”
“It’s your turn…”
“No, it’s your turn…”

Just look at the social media comments on this recent article we wrote for MindBodyGreen – everyone is having a great time ribbing each other about massages, which is all good fun, but it’s also very close to the truth: We all want to get the massages, not give them!


The funny thing is, there’s a couple of ways I know of that will get you more massages – and more satisfying massages at that – and none of them involve nagging your partner for a back rub, which seems to be the favorite approach among couples everywhere.

Besides, massages are so much nicer when your partner actually wants to do them for you, rather than harrumphing their way through a quick shoulder rub while keeping one eye on the clock so as not to go a minute more than they think you deserve.

Over the past decade running this business and spending countless hours massaging my husband (and getting plenty back in return) we’ve got the art of wangling a massage down pat. And I’m going to share it with you now. People don’t talk about this often – treat this information like gold.

1. Your Partner Needs to Learn to Massage Properly, So Their Hands Don’t Hurt

It’s very convenient that this is my first point, given I run a business that teaches couples how to massage each other… but it’s the absolute truth (and the reason our business is so successful, I might add, is because it works).

Think about it. People hate to do things that:
a) Hurt;
b) They aren’t good at;
c) They don’t know how to do

The good news is, massage is easy when you know where to put your hands and what to do with them.

When your partner learns to massage, you’re going to need to learn too, of course. It doesn’t take long to do. With just a few simple tips you can learn how to stop your hands hurting and last more than five minutes giving a massage.

The best way to go about this is to tell them you want to learn some massage skills together. Start by letting them be the massage guinea pig while you try out some massage tips, then swap over and let them massage you too. Learn together and make it fun.

Here are some of our best free massage tips to start you off. Have a play around and see what you can do:

“The Melt Set Up” Will Change the Way You Give Back Rubs Forever
The Most Important Massage Tip I’ll Ever Teach You
We Experimented with a Blindfold and This is What We Found

Give us a little bit of your time and a web connection and you can both learn in the comfort of your own home – by the end of Melt: Massage for Couples, your partner will be able to treat you to a 30-minute massage without a sore hand in sight… and they’ll be able to hit all the right places that will make you hum with delight.

Hot tip: make it a special couples massage gift voucher as a present, then they’ll have to use it!

2. Get Massaging Yourself

I know, it sounds like a total cop out for me to tell you to massage them more.

It’s like at the end of the Wizard of Oz when the Great Oz tells Dorothy & Co. that they had the capability within themselves the entire time and you’re like… all that for nothing?

But really.

If you want more massages from your partner, the first thing you need to do is adopt a spirit of generosity and selflessly give your partner a thorough massage. It’s the Law of Reciprocity – do something nice for someone, and they will find themselves with a deep-seated urge to reciprocate in kind back to you.

Keep in mind, you will have picked up a couple of massage tips already so giving them a little rub will be easy. Take what you know and bestow a massage upon your unsuspecting sweetheart tonight. Or save it for when you know they’ve had a long day or a hard workout session… they’ll love you even more for it then.

Here’s the kicker: at the end of your massage do not ask for one in return. Do not. If they offer, smile sweetly and plant a kiss on their cheek, and tell them you just want them to relax tonight, they can owe you one for another time.

They will glow. And that tiny seed of big-heartedness will blossom through your entire relationship, and return threefold later.

Give, give, give. I can’t emphasize this point enough!

3. Positive Reinforcement

When you are lucky enough to have your massage returned to you, heap lashings of praise on your partner’s efforts.

Become your partner’s biggest cheerleader and they will feel great about what they’re doing for you.

There’s nothing worse than massaging someone (professionally or on a personal level) who sits quietly as though they have been struck dumb.

Imagine making love to someone who didn’t make a sound through the entire experience… how would you know they were having a good time?

Every single time your partner massages you, give them encouragement by moaning, groaning and complimenting them throughout. Every time! Tell them when they’ve hit the right spot, tell them when the stroke they’re trying out is amazing, tell them how fantastic they’re making you feel!

Your partner wants to do nice things for you, because they love you. Trust me, hey will be stoked to discover you love their massages so much.

And don’t forget to thank them profusely afterward.

Once you’ve worked the positive reinforcement magic, they’ll automatically start to think of giving you a rub when they want to do something nice for you. It’s an easy, free way to show someone you love them, after all. Help them realise that.

4. Use Your Trump Cards

Think of these as bonus massages throughout the year. Use any special occasion excuse to ask for a massage. I do it all the time on my birthday – as a lovely treat for the day, I tell my massage therapist husband, I’d just love a full body massage on the massage table.

How can he refuse the birthday girl? He can’t.

I have also been known to guilt foot rubs out of him when I’m feeling sick and head massages when he knows I’ve had a stressful day. In sickness and in health, right?

Appeal to your partner’s best nature and they will simply have to comply for you on any special occasion or out-of-the-ordinary circumstance. Just be sure to give it back as freely when it’s their turn.

And remember – lots of praise and sincere thanks will set you up for future massages too. You’re welcome.

Lots More Tips – right here…

We’re experts in teaching couples how to give amazing back rubs! Over 10,000 couples taught. Want to learn more? Click here to get our favourite tips for free:

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Gift vouchers. Impersonal, lazy ways to give presents, right? Especially when it comes to your partner, spouse, lover or significant other.


Everyone knows the best presents are thoughtful ones. And guess what? There’s no reason why vouchers can’t be thoughtful! In fact, I would argue that they’re often even more thoughtful than, say, a new sweater in a questionable color or the latest iPad.

The people that hate on gift vouchers have a bunch of arguments. Have you ever heard these?

“It’s like money, but less useful.”

“You’re basically saying you’ve given up on finding an actual present.”

“What kind of present requires work on behalf of the recipient?”

As far as I can tell, the biggest barrier to couples bestowing gift vouchers on each other is that it’s widely considered an impersonal present to give your spouse or lover come Christmas, Valentine’s Day or Birthdays.

Impersonal? Nonsense.

I mean sure, I agree that simply slapping $50 onto a department store card without really thinking it through is positively slothful.

But – done right – gift vouchers can make for some of the most touching and beautiful presents you’ll ever give, or receive.

That comes with a few caveats though. Just hear me out.

There’s the right way and the wrong way to give a gift voucher. Here’s how to make gift vouchers into a romantic gift – my definitive guide. (Make sure you read the last point, it’s the one crucial step that brings everything together):

1. Thoughtfulness is Everything*

A voucher for the hardware store, however practical, is not going to get anyone’s pulse racing.

If you’re going down the gift voucher route, you need to make it über-tailored.

Start by thinking very hard about what’s going on in your partner’s life right now.

Have they just taken up yoga? Get them a voucher to a high-end exercise gear store.

Are they known for saving all their pennies to spend on the kids and house? Get them a voucher to a clothing store you know they love (check the labels in their closet!) so they have to spoil themselves.

Are they doing up a vintage car? How about a voucher for some antique car parts?

2. Gift an Experience*

It’s a consumer world; we already buy most material possessions we want for ourselves and there’s a new trend away from material possessions with the introduction of the minimalist thinkers around the internet.

By far, one of the most significant gifts you can give in this day and age is an experience you know your partner will love. Something that impacts them in a different way.

Again, gifting experiences requires the same careful thinking I just spoke about – a voucher for a bungee jump won’t go down well with someone who has an intense fear of heights, for example (just ask my husband who turned a lovely shade of beetroot-rage and deathly pale at all once when he was given him a skydiving voucher for his 30th).

Is your partner really into gourmet cooking? How about a cooking class for a cuisine they haven’t mastered yet?

Are they stressed and tired lately from work? What about a pampering session at a day spa (trust me, men love this as much as women do, they just generally don’t know it yet)?

Do they spend a lot of time at the driving range? How about an hour with a pro perfecting their swing?

3. Gift an Experience You Can Do Together*

Here’s where the romance factor starts to skyrocket.

There is simply no substitute for spending time with your sweetie, and we already know that science has proven doing new things together as a couple is ridiculously good for your relationship. It floods your system with happy hormones that keep you bonded and happy.

For that reason, gifting a gorgeous experience that the two of you can look forward to doing together is – in my opinion – king of all gift voucher giving and really ups the romance ante on your gift giving.

Perhaps a weekend away, language classes, or a hot air balloon ride. We obviously love our very own Melt: Massage for Couples video courses where you can get your hands all over each other in your own home night after night – it really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Whatever you choose, know that you’re doing something wonderful for your relationship. It may even seem like too much fun to be a good thing, but trust me… you can never make too many joyful memories as a couple.

*The Clincher: Wrap Something Up for a Really Romantic Gift

This is the important part and it applies to all the points above. In order to make a gift voucher the perfect romantic gift, you need to gift them along with something to unwrap. Otherwise it really is just a piece of paper or a plastic card that will sometime in the future take on its proper meaning.

A simple solution is to give something tangible along with the voucher as a little appetiser for the upcoming experience they are going to enjoy. It’s a delicious way to build anticipation and makes the gift voucher much more real immediately.

Let’s go back over some of the examples I’ve already used:

A Moroccan Cooking Class would go perfectly with some gourmet spices and a tagine pot.

A golf lesson will pair beautifully with a new leather monogrammed glove.

Give them a head start on their exercise gear voucher with a new gym bag.

When people gift our Melt: Massage for Couples vouchers to their spouse or to another couple, we encourage them to purchase a few massage essentials to package with the gift – a scented candle, a bottle of massage oil, a blindfold and a soft hand towel is everything you need (and more) to start massaging right away. You then have the added benefit of being able to start that very night.


Our Melt Gift Voucher with scented votive candle, massage oil and plush hand towel. The perfect gift.

So there you have it – the next time you’re looking for an incredibly personal and romantic gift, look no further than a gift voucher.

And in the name of shameless plugs, if you’re looking for something for your sweetie, I really do recommend you check out our Melt: Massage for Couples videos. They’re specifically designed to be a perfect gift for any couple… and couples really do love getting their hands all over each other in a whole new way.

Feel free to comment below with the gift vouchers you have in mind for upcoming celebrations, or some details about the recipient if you can’t decide what to get them. We will crowdsource some inspirational, thoughtful gift voucher ideas for you, including the tangible elements you can wrap up as the “appetizer present”.

Learning to massage is the perfect gift that keeps on giving. After all, the more you practice the better you get and soon you will be able to look forward to many nights of awesome back rubs, once you know where to put your hands and what to do with them. The lifetime memberships to our Melt: Massage for Couples tutorial videos make for amazing, romantic presents all on their own. But for a really incredible gift, we recommend you package them with some of the following inclusions as a special present for your partner, or for any couple that could do with a little more massage in their lives (let’s face it; who doesn’t?) You needn’t spend a lot of money on each item, but I do suggest picking one of these inclusions to be a standout while the others all play a supporting role. Here’s what we usually suggest: melt-massage-gift-voucher I’ve listed both some cost-effective and some more luxurious options here, along with prices and links on where you can buy them online. All the items are readily available at your local store in some form or another. It’s a simple way to make a big impact – in other words, a perfect gift. And if you’ve already signed up for our lifetime membership, perhaps replenishing and upgrading your massage essentials kit will inspire some romantic nights ahead.

1. Scented Votive Candle

Providing mood lighting and a gorgeous aroma all at once, you can’t go past a decadent scented votive candle to really add ambiance to your massage, and because it’s the kind of thing people don’t generally buy for themselves, that puts it in the excellent gift category. For a luxurious choice with beautiful packaging, try this one in Moroccan Amber by Nest ($34) or Tocca in Cleopatra ($38) from Sephora. nest-candle Tocca also makes a smaller size “candelina” ($20). This Colette fragrance of sandalwood and vanilla is a favourite combination here at Melt. tocca-colette-candelina For a gorgeous, low-cost alternative then try these beautiful quality soy candles in simple jars from Mrs Meyer’s Clean Day ($9.99) mrs-meyers-clean-day For a bit of French flair, these Jolie Paris ($20) hand-poured soy wax candles are trés chic with their their beautifully boxed packaging, available through Amazon. jolie-paris-candle In Australia, I’m a fan of Ecoya for their beautiful packaging and their delicious scents. Try their flagship Madison Jar ($39.95) in any fragrance (we love Lotus Flower) or the Metro Jar ($29.95) for a cheaper but still very classy option. Then there’s the supercute Mini Metro Jar ($19.95) punching above its weight with 18 hours of burn time. ecoya-madison

2. Massage Oil

A good quality massage oil is easy to find – you can pick it up at the drugstore or the grocery store. We’re a fan of plain carrier oils at Melt, though there are also some beautiful blended oils out there. Just be careful that neither you nor your partner have sensitive skin that will react with blended essential oils, or any aversion at all to certain essential oils (some aren’t suitable for pregnancy, for example). Do your research first. If you’re not sure about sensitivities or contraindications, you’re best to stick to plain sweet almond or grapeseed oil. Don’t worry, there are still some wonderful options. Carrier Oils hugos-massage-oil From Amazon, there’s the Kusala Life Sweet Almond Oil with its earthy, upmarket packaging and a great product to boot, with a little hint of Vitamin E in there for extra skin nourishing. It’s sourced from Non-GMO Almond kernels and it’s sub-$20. Here’s a slightly more masculine packaging with the Primitive Sweet Almond Oil – a great choice if you’re gifting Melt to the man in your life. Also all natural, also under $20. This Beauty Aura 100% Pure Grapeseed Oil is a good lower cost alternative at the $11 mark – again, all natural with no nasties and great for sensitive skins. I also really love the Hugo Naturals brand with their all-natural ingredients in both a plain carrier oil and also some exotic scent combinations. Blended Oils shunga-massage-oil If you’re looking for a seriously sexy massage blend, the guys at Shunga do an amazing job of quality, natural massage oils. Try the one in Exotic Fruits ($13.81) for a high octane dose of aphrodisiac. Or for something deeply romantic try the Now Foods Tranquil Massage Oil ($9.37) for its rose scent and healing properties

3. Hand Towel

Any soft hand towel or even small face washer will go beautifully with this gift – personally, I love a printed one that you can keep and use just for your massages and that feels soft on the skin during the wipe off of oil. I’ve listed my top picks here for something just that little bit special, but of course you can just pick up a block colour facewasher from your local department store: Any of the printed hand towels by Missoni Home ($26) available from Amazon. missoni-home-towel   Or the classically striped hand towels in a variety of colours from Kassatex Linea Collection ($16.99) also on Amazon. kassalex-towels   Have you got your own ideas about what to package with Melt as a gorgeous gift? I’d love for you to comment and tell me about them so I can go and source some more fantastic suggestions for our readers!