It’s no coincidence that most people raise their eyebrows at us when we tell them we teach couples how to massage each other. The mere thought of all that oil, flesh and rubbing… it’s inherently sexy, no?

While Den and I consciously and deliberately make sure our products and our seminars are clean, sophisticated and massage-focused, it’s also hard to ignore the fact that massage is a whole heap of hot when it’s done effectively between two people who are attracted to one another.

We’ve always said we just provide the massage toolkit, what happens later behind closed doors is completely up to you.

But here’s the thing. Learning to give your partner an amazing romantic massage can make you a better lover.

Think I’m joking? I’d never kid about being better in bed. In fact, when we surveyed our live course participants a few years back, 50% of them agreed that learning how to massage had improved their sex lives!(We can only assume that the other half already had it going on when it came to the boudoir!)

Here are five ways the skills you develop when learning how to massage can crossover into your boudoir:

The Art of the Tease

Whether it’s a professional massage between a therapist and patient or a romantic massage between a couple, the concept here is the same: when you’re massaging, you want to take your massagee on a journey.

Much of any massage is made up of repetition. We repeat strokes again and again to lull people into a comfortable, relaxed state. The best part about this repetition? Anticipation, baby.

Consider this: You’re nailing an awesome massage stroke, hitting just the right sore spots in your partner’s shoulders as you go… You hear your partner moan just a little bit when you work on that spot you know is there. Instead of going hammer-and-tong on the sore bit (no pinchy-pinchy, people!), you carefully note where it is and leisurely take your time coming back to it.

You hit that sore spot again – another moan. They like it. You continue the rest of the stroke, then return toward that little spot of gold you know is waiting there.

Right this second, your partner is thinking “… Do you think he’s going to hit that spot again? I think he is… yep, I’m pretty sure he’s going to do – Ohhhhhh wowwwwww (cue drooling).”

Learn the art of the tease in your massage and you’ll have a captivated audience for life. Apply the same art of the tease to your seduction in the bedroom and watch your partner melt happily into a pile of blissed-out goo.

Rhythm and Flow

The best massage therapists add a natural rhythm and flow to their massage routines. These two crucial elements help relax your massagee with gentle rocking, swaying and no unexpected surprises.

When we say flow, we mean each stroke should fluidly merge into the next one, flowing in an unbroken dance over the skin. The best way to do this is to make sure each of your massage techniques can link to the next seamlessly, and to make sure you finish every stroke right to the end.

Don’t bail out halfway through a massage technique to hurriedly jump to the next one – that’s amateur.

When we say rhythm, we mean building up a repetitive and comforting rhythm to add interest. If we think of the rhythm just like music, you don’t have to do your entire massage to a 4/4 beat. You can change the rhythm, add a highlight every few “bars” or so. The easiest way to introduce rhythm to your massage is to work with the music you have on in the background.

And when it comes to lovemaking? Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you that getting a good rhythm and flow between the sheets is infinitely preferable to random thrusting. Learn to use your body in a sensual and rhythmical way to really up the ante with your lover.

Get in Tune with Your Partner

One of the most important parts of learning how to massage is listening for feedback cues to see if you’re doing it right. This is especially crucial when you first start out learning to massage, so that you can keep becoming better.

What you want to look for are both verbal and non-verbal cues from your partner that you’re hitting the right spots. Because you’re usually sitting behind them to massage, you can’t read the facial expressions you usually would.

Soft moans, head dropping back and goosebumps on the skin are all excellent signs you’re headed in the right direction.

On the other hand, hunched shoulders, pulling away and your partner sitting up straight as a pole while you massage should be cues that you’re not quite hitting the mark.

Learning to read your partner’s body like this has many benefits in the bedroom as well, before long you’ll instinctively know exactly what your sweetie is thinking without having to ask.

Ambiance, Ambiance, Ambiance

We’ve tried massaging under fluorescent lights. In cold rooms. On hard floorboards with no rug. With the TV on. None of it is good.

Whether it’s sex or a massage, the principles of a romantic ambiance are exactly the same: flattering lighting, a comfortable temperature, some moody music and maybe even some wine and a fruit plate. It’s all classic seduction and man, is it melt-worthy.

Spend some time perfecting your ambiant mood-setting techniques and you can turn an entire night around with the flick of a light switch. For a massage, for love… for whatever you like.

The Ultimate Pre-Foreplay Foreplay

Foreplay is the perfect way to take any lovemaking session from good to great. It’s fun, you can play and experiment, it stretches out the whole encounter to make it a truly delicious experience. After all, the actual sex part usually lasts an average of 5 minutes (true fact) so anything we can do to draw that out is a Very Good Thing.

Consider massage as your pre-foreplay foreplay. It will help get you in the mood for the foreplay that will get you in the mood for sex. It will extend your seduction by another forty-five minutes, done right.

Use your romantic massage to build anticipation further, to help your partner wind down and relax from a stressful day before you transition to something more, to make sure your sweetie feels loved and appreciated and as a great way to get your hands on them for a little bit longer.

Your massage might not always lead to sex – of course, you need to respect your partner’s feelings on this. But if the lag between the pre-foreplay foreplay and the actual foreplay is a few weeks, the effects won’t wane in between. It will only serve to build more anticipation for your future bedroom frolic.

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Here’s a little secret for you: you don’t have to be great at massage to give your partner an amazing, romantic massage experience.

Your massage should only be part of the equation. The best experiences include music, ambiance and anticipation.

Ideally, by the time you get your hands on your partner, they should already be bowled over by your efforts to connect and make them melt. It’s easy to make this happen…

Here’s some ideas you can do to make your massage experience unlike anything anyone has even created for your partner before:

The Ambiance
Soft music, flickering candles and even some seductive foods make for the perfect setting.

  • Dim the lights
  • Clean and tidy your space
  • Heat the room to comfort level
  • Make use of tea light or votive candles
  • Your partner’s favourite music (chilled / soft recommended, although most genres work)
  • Switch devices off (no distractions)
  • Privacy is highly recommended

The Massage Equipment
It’s important to have everything you need to massage your partner close by. The best massages are ones that flow, from beginning to end, without distractitions. Once your hands touch your partner aim to keep your hands on them until the massage ends. Make your partner the most important person in the world to you at that moment.

  • Towels or a soft blanket for the floor (you don’t want massage oil in your carpet)
  • Hand towel on standby for wiping off oil later
  • Small footstool or sturdy pillows
  • Your favourite massage oil
  • Large towel or sarong to wrap around your partner while massaging them
  • Hair tie for your partner if they have long hair
  • TV, laptop or iPad if you’re streaming the Melt: Massage for Couples video courses

The Romantic Massage Optional Extras
If you want to take your romantic massage night up a notch, here are some decadent additions you can consider for an ultimate seduction.

  • Fruit and cheese platter
  • Bottle of wine
  • Blindfold (cut off one sense, all the others heighten… this will make your massage feel even better!)
  • Scenery (romantic getaway – think hotel or log cabin)

Here’s just one example of setting up an intimate expereince. Book your partner in for a “special date night” ahead of time, and then lets get organised.

On the night, draw your partner a relaxing bath (assuming your place has a bathtub – if not skip this paragraph). Set up the bathroom with candles and music, perhaps hand them a cup of tea or a glass of wine on their way into the bathroom, let them know you’d like them to relax and you’ll be back to get them in a little while.

As they’re soaking in the tub, you’ll set up your massage space using the checklist above. Then, head back to the bathroom with blindfold in hand. Collect your partner and have them leave their towel on, or pop on a robe.

Slip the blindfold around their eyes and carefully lead them to the massage space. Settle them in their spot, hand them a glass of wine while you get yourself set up.

Settle in behind, hands on their shoulders and gently annouce they’re about to receive a massage. Follow-along to one of our curated massage routines. Ideally, you will have already practiced the techniques ahead of time with your partner. This is just taking your practical knowledge from good to amazing, knee-weakening, classic romance.

And watch them Melt in your hands…

Common Things That Ruin A Massage
Watch out for these.

  • Distractions – not being present
  • Interruptions – massage stops often
    • Breaking the flow of the massage is a Melt sin. Frequent stop/starts are a mood killer.
  • Pain / Uncomfortable
    • As soon as one person is uncomfortable or in pain the massage ends
    • This could be due to posture, seated arrangement
    • Poor massage technique
  • Cold room / Messy Room
  • Cold hands
  • Poor preparation
    • Run out of oil
    • Forgetting your wipe off towel
    • Music too loud
  • Attitude / emotions
  • Messy room
  • Harsh lighting
  • Uninspiring music
  • Boring massage – not being present.
  • Poor technique
  • The bed (soft surfaces are difficult to massage on)