Are your massages rushed? Or do you know when to stop, take a pause and wait a moment.
So why pause?
Massage is easy when you know how. I can show you how to amp up your back rubs in no time to make them longer, sexier and more relaxing… so you and your partner can get closer.
Let’s start with my top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for couples massage:
Squirting cold oil onto warm skin looks sexy in the movies, but feels like absolute rubbish in real life.
Always pour your oil into one hand first – around the size of a quarter will do it – and then rub your palms together to warm the oil up, before applying it to your partner’s body. Much, much sexier.
I’m here to tell you, much like sex… there are no points for finishing first!
So many beginners tend to rush through their massage [like a spin cycle of a washing machine!].
Get your sweetie in the mood with gentle, easy-going strokes. Be chill.
Slowing down will also help you gain your partner’s trust right from the start, which equals deeper relaxation for everybody involved.
Aha, that one got you, didn’t it?!
Using thumbs is the quickest way to tire out your hands, so avoid using them at ALL… until the very end of the massage.
Start with an open hand technique with relaxation strokes and save your thumbs as your secret weapon – after a good ten minutes of this open-handed technique, only then you can bust out your thumbs in short bursts (I’m talking 30 seconds only at a time) on specific knots and tense bits to really make your partner melt.
“Is that deep enough?”
Any good massage therapist will ask their client for feedback throughout a massage, and you should do the same.
Try things like…
“Is that deep enough?”
“How does this spot feel?”
“Where are you tight?”
Also listen out for moans and groans, oohs and aahs and the all-important “Oh baby, don’t stop!” while you massage; these signify that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right – so keep doing it!
Nothing kills the massage vibe like abandoning ship halfway through to dim lights, adjust the thermostat or grab a towel.
Have everything you need organized and close by before you begin. And turn your phone off!
The more surface area you can touch, the better your massage will feel for your partner. When massaging, keep your fingertips and palms down and relaxed. If your hands are stiff or tense they won’t contour properly and your massage won’t feel natural.
Your massage strokes account for only part of this experience. The ambiance you create in the room will make or break your massage. Seriously.
Tidy up your space so there’s no mess and clutter. No one in the history of the world has ever been able to relax while staring at a pile of laundry.
Then go the extra mile to make it all romantic-like by catering to all the different senses – light candles, play soft music, serve wine and chocolate… (you get the idea!)
Positive reinforcement is the key.
Remember, your partner is new at this and any small motivation they have to to massage you will disappear in an instant if you’re going to be critical of their performance.
Positive reinforcement is the key. Be vocal. Tell them which parts you love about the massage and how great it feels – remember to throw out some oohs and maybe a few ahhs.
If something hurts or doesn’t feel right, tell them gently.
Trust me, you’ll be on the receiving end of many more massages with this approach!
Too many couples make the mistake of getting right in there with a firm massage from the very beginning.
Unless your partner has just come off the football field and needs a vigorous leg rub – STAT! – there is no excuse for going too deep too fast.
Any good massage practitioner will start off gently every single time. This gives the muscles a chance to warm up first, to become pliable and to relax. Then, once you’ve got your partner to a nice, chilled out state you can begin to go in deep – always towards the end of the massage.
**This video talks about the 80/20 principle – a guide on relaxation vs deep tissue work.
I know. You thought the bed was the most logical place to massage each other.
But I don’t like the bed for massage at all. The soft and uneven surface of the mattress is going to hurt your back, and your partner’s neck. The best position is for you to kneel on the floor with your partner sitting cross-legged between your knees – I call this The Melt Set Up.
You must have plenty of cushions bolstered under your butt to help keep your weight off your knees. In this position, you have great access to your partner’s neck, shoulders, arms and upper back… and it’s actually far more intimate than having your sweetie at arm’s length from you.
To find out more about The Melt Set Up, try my FREE introductory massage course, Fix Your Massage Mistakes. In it, I teach you how to set yourself up for a great back rub at home, we correct the 4 most common mistakes I see couples making and I share two great massage techniques you can try at home instantly.
We deep dive into massage techniques, break down what makes a great back rub and show you step by step what to do to be amazing at massage! After 12 years teaching over 30,000 couples in more than 50 countries we know a thing or two that’ll take your back rubs to the next level…
No matter if you’ve been rocking back rubs with each other for years now – or you’re a complete beginner, I promise this course will give you years of “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” while your partner massages you into total bliss!
Could your back rubs do with an upgrade? Maybe you feel like your massages are boring, you’re not sure if you’re doing it right, or you don’t know what to do next. Or maybe your hands just flat out hurt after a few minutes.
Never fear, massage isn’t rocket science. It’s easy when you know how and where to rub.
Here are six simple hacks from a professional (that’s me) who wants to help you get your hands to their A-game… Why? Because massage feels so good and I believe every relationship deserves a little massage in it!
Simple, easy and makes you look like a pro… FAST!
For serious brownie points without hurting your hands, spend time doing what I call romancing your partner’s body!
This is easy to do with a simple contouring technique – it feels fantastic, your partner will love you for it and it’s the best cost-benefit way to clock up brownie points in your massage!
Here’s a video explaining how to go about doing it:
**Skip to 1:29 if you want to miss the reason why my hands are cut up and broken
Wondering exactly where the tense spots are hiding? Well guess what… you already know! On healthy bodies, we pretty much all have knots and tension in the same places.
Right now, can you think of two areas on your body you love massaged?
I’ll bet money that you’re thinking shoulders…
So go there after you’ve romanced your partner’s body first!
This is such a simple hack when you’re thinking your massages are boring, or you’re not sure where to massage next… just ask yourself “Where do I hurt?”
Sounds obvious right? But it’s often overlooked!
It seems like a small thing, but warming your hands up makes a massive difference to the experience. Cold hands on warm skin is a major turn off!
I had a professional practitioner lay freezing hands on me during a job interview once (yes, you have to test their massage out before they get the job!) – I didn’t hire her, that’s far too sloppy a mistake to make.
Warming your hands is an easy fix that starts your massage off right. Warm them by rubbing your palms vigorously together, or run them under a hot tap for a bit, dry them off and then get oiling!
You know how John Mayer has guitar face? You need sexy massage face!
I’m not even kidding – the more you get into it, the better it feels. It doesn’t matter if you look ridiculous, no one is watching.
Sexy massage face is closely related to stank face?!
Here’s a classic example of mine, a moment in time caught on film forever (and yes, I’ve been called out for this before, publicly too! But that’s fine… all I care about is making my partner as relaxed as possible. Her face in this image means more to me than any humiliating comments on social media).
This also goes for your body language – shake that butt! Any movement from your hips and shoulders translates to your hands, and makes your massage flow.
Rhythm and flow is one of the next level tricks that takes a massage from amateur to professional.
Most couples I see would say it’s deep tissue that makes or breaks the massage… this is not true!
Deep tissue means nothing without rhythm and flow. Introduce a little into your back rubs by massaging in time to the music. Pick something you both already groove to.
This is the thing that improved my massage quickest when I first started.
Work out in advance what your routine will be. It takes the pressure off thinking about what to do next.
Take a few minutes to write a little sequential massage routine out (or you can follow mine – I’ve got 5 minute, 15 minute and a 30 minute back rub routine in the Melt Video Series – click here), having a cheat sheet like this next to you will make your hands feel pro!
When starting out, following a routine is the best way to guarantee an exceptional massage… when you know your routine inside out – to the point that you’re bored with it, then you’re at an exceptional level. Then it’s time to start improvising and making up routines on the fly – the way professional massage therapists do it.
We deep dive into massage techniques, break down what makes a great back rub and show you step by step what to do to be amazing at massage! After 12 years teaching over 30,000 couples in more than 50 countries we know a thing or two that’ll take your back rubs to the next level…
No matter if you’ve been rocking back rubs with each other for years now – or you’re a complete beginner, I promise this course will give you years of “ooh’s” and “ahh’s” while your partner massages you into total bliss!